Confront your fears

Last week, I took a course from Stanley Hibbs, a well-known therapist, whose specialty is caring for people with anxiety.  I chose to spend part of my Sabbatical in this way due to the large number of people who come to Pastor's with worry and anxiety. We live in an anxious world.

Dr. Hibbs offered a number of practical techniques that people suffering from anxiety can practice.  Every new form of growth in our lives requires dedication and causes growing pains.  Relief from anxiety is no different.

The greatest challenge in Anxiety management get people to stick with the program.  Most anxiety management attempts fail because people give up to soon.  The best place to begin is with a positive view of the future.  What would life be like if you didn't have this problem?  People should begin by developing a vision of the future and how good it would be if they could gain control over anxiety. It's helpful to list specific things that you would like to be able to do if it weren't for anxiety. What would your life be like? List specific benefits like being able to go out to an event, self-assurance, self- control, better relationships... etc. Motivational interviewing gets around resistance. You can follow asset mapping with "I wish, I want, I need" positive statements. Why do you want to be free from anxiety?  What would be different?

Hibbs begins by having people memorize a three step process to overcoming anxiety. He calls them the three "C"'s of anxiety management.

Calm the body. Correct thinking. Confront fears. 

Calm the Body. Anxiety is basically an emergency response system and is normal. From an evolutionary standpoint it had its benefits. When our ancestors heard a rustle in the bushes, they needed their bodies to prepare them to make a decision. Is there a threat and do I have to run? Largely, most of us don't need to make those types of decisions anymore and our evolutionary response is not helpful.

Therefore the first step in controlling anxiety is to calm your body. Three usual techniques to train our bodies when they are stressed are; breathing, relaxation and visualization. Realizing that your body is acting normally is a first step. A second step is to become aware of our bodies and learn ways to relax. Everyone should have a safe place clearly defined in their minds. It may be an imaginary place or it can be a moment in life when they felt safe and bliss.

You should always be working to observe and to handle things more effectively. You should also give homework around the "why" describe goals and benefits of an anxiety free life.

 Correct Thinking. ANTS are "automatic negative thoughts". We jump to conclusions, mind read, fortune tell, think in catastrophic terms and negatively evaluate life situations.  ANTS involve tunnel vision when we can only focus on the threat and not positive avenues. We can also be aware of emotional reasoning, because you "feel" a certain way it must be true.

 If you think;

"People are against me" practice living as if people are neutral.

 Develop and try a theory "B". Imagine that your mind is a radio station that you can determine to change if you want to. Develop your own internal positive menu channel. Experiment with new ideas.

It doesn't work to focus on avoiding negative thoughts, you must change the channel and begin to focus on positive thoughts. That's the way our brain works. Don't say to yourself, "Don't think of that negative thing", rather say to yourself, "Think about this positive thing".  The Apostle Paul said, "Do not worry about anything, but in everything, with Thanksgiving make your requests known to God."  Positive affirmations replace Negative thoughts.

Experiments with mice have determined that if a mouse is shocked in a white room, no matter what living arrangement he is put in no matter what the surroundings, if the room is white he will avoid it and prefer a room with color walls.  And the more the mouse avoids a white room, the more the deeper the behavior is ingrained in his mind.  In the same way, the more we give in to our fears, the more control the exert over us.

Confront Fears.  There is a saying that if you are working through a particular problem, you should "keep driving the bus".    We have to continue to work on our fears even when we feel like stopping.

When someone is going through an extreme sense of panic, it  may  be helpful to say to themselves, "I know that I am safe and I will wait until this feeling passes." Everyone should develop "coping statements" like this in order to confront their fears.

Social Anxiety is largely caused by excessive concern about what other people think of you. Social performances are often an attempt to control the thoughts of others. We want people to like us. When we change our mission, social anxieties disappear, when we switch our thinking from wanting other people to feel good about us to wanting  people to feel good about themselves.

 Turn conversations into an opportunity to get to know other people and learn about things that you are interested in. People who feel awkward in social conversations can remember a simple acronym "FOR", which stands for Family, Occupation and Recreation. People often have the impression that a good conversationalist is someone who tells colorful stories or entertain a crowd, but in fact, a good conversationalist is someone who draws out the good in others.

 In order to confront our fears we have to focus on what we can do. We may not be able to fully confront our fears, so we have to work our way up to them.   You may not be able to ride in an elevator, but you can begin by pushing the button, then stepping in and out, until you have de-sensitized your fears.

Dale Carnegie's three step model for worry is to think it through; imagine the worst, then accept that even your worst fears will happen and then improve on the worst. OK, so the worst thing may happen, even in spite of that, what can you do about it?

If anyone is interested in specific techniques and working through the three "C's" let me know and I can share more materials.  Two good books for those who counsel and those who suffer anxiety are:

"The 10 best ever anxiety management Techniques" by Margaret Wehrenberg and "Anxiety Gone" by Stanley Hibbs.

Ella caught me practicing relaxation techniques on our recent trip to PA.